most mind-bogglingly i learnt that i scare people with my notions of the afterlife as me-time.woah.mind-boggling.hahahaha.

oh well i pretty much only 'fess up to my darker, not necessarily deeper, secrets after a round of potent drinks.hahaha.dang.not a good thing lest i leak out stuff im not supposed to.'cept i dont know whether i've got any such stuff?

over dinner just now i was posed a question in response to the person learning that my alias is nic-hic the beer/wine/all damn sorts of alcohol guy which really got me thinking.the question was a simple albeit deep one.why do i like to drink so much?

in all honesty i really have no idea.i think i've mentioned once before that there're always a million thoughts running through my head at once.not that im the dreamy sort.but it's a neverending locomotive up there.so anyway back to the point.

i vaguely comprise of two facets.the damned hic who gets together with friends for shits and giggles.i have, by now, chalked up dozens of occasions of uncontrollable incessant laughter, rolling, and even running in goddamn single digit weather.im not exactly proud of it, but oh well it's supposed to be a facet of me.

and the darker side who spends his nights contemplating on the meaning of life and notions of the afterlife.the latter has always been a part of me, surfacing after a great night of drinking.

after grappling with years of understanding why i turn to the vile substance, i have come to the conclusion that i crave for this darker side to emerge.i enjoy basking in my self-created notions of the afterlife, wondering what it would feel like actually existing in it.i feel alive at night.

the unfathomable darkness of the night.a void in the world.the sombre darkness.the colour of the most lustrous ebony ever seen.the human emotions associated with the colour of black and the concept of darkness.loneliness.silence.despair.melancholy.that's to name a few.

i feel alive in the darkness.it provides a sort of morbid warped tranquility to my soul.being instantaneously transported to my eternity of the endless void.only to find out it doesnt really exist.not yet anyway.

night always comes to an end.

someday the dream will end.